Bittersweet Goodbye
There are times in life when you need to swallow your pride and know when to walk away. It's hard to make decisions when you've put so much time, effort, and money into something. People typically walk away from something when it's not going well, I'm actually having to walk away because it is going so well. I know that makes zero sense! For me, this blog started off as a passion project. I was dealing with loss and heartache in my life, and it was the just the distraction I needed so that I wouldn't spend my days lying in bed with a box of Kleenex, letting life pass me by.Shawna and I started this blog almost two years ago. We had no idea what we were doing, but we were determined to do it! The first few months were full of beautiful mistakes and lots to look back on and laugh. After about a year, the blog took off! We started working with some of our favorite brands, our photos got better and better, and we started booking great jobs. This was exactly what we had hoped for! I looked forward to waking up everyday to work on the blog. I enjoyed every aspect of it, until I didn't... I constantly felt like I couldn't keep up with it because the better we did the more work needed to be done. I realized it was overtaking my life and felt like I was "in the weeds" in every part of my life. In the world of blogging there is always more that could be done. You could upload more photos, write more posts, take more pictures, create video content...the list goes on and on. Everyday I was treading water just to stay afloat, that's when I realized that this passion project had morphed into a full fledged J-O-B. I didn't mind that it turned into a job, I did mind that it started pulling my away from time with my family and friends.
Guilt, Party of One
If you're a mommy then you are likely no stranger to feeling mom guilt. Whether it be sitting down to read a book, going to dinner with the girls, or just simply doing anything without your kid(s), this feeling is so hard to shake. I've been reevaluating MY priorities because time has already been going by so fast. In the blink of an eye I know Quinn will be in Kindergarten and then it escalates from there on the amount of time each day they're at school. I want to spend these next two years with her doing as many fun child-like things as possible. If that means spending hours blowing bubbles, coloring, or playing on the beach, so be it. I know that's not the path everyone is allowed to have because let's face it, life is downright expensive! I am lucky to be able to stay at home with my daughter which is even more reason I feel like I should take advantage of those sweet moments while I can.I've had so many people ask me how I manage to do it all, then I started to realize I wasn't able to do it all. I felt like I was succeeding in some areas while failing at others. I wanted to balance everything in my life but no matter how hard I tried I was still exhausted and wasn't able to make the time for the things that mattered most to me. It seems like so many bloggers and mommies out there do it with such ease, but I wasn't able to make it all work. I give them even more props now that I've seen firsthand how time consuming it is.In no way am I bashing working moms or other bloggers/entrepreneurs out there! I think that the world we live in right now is better than ever for women to be able to work from home or wherever they like. I love the endless possibilities and opportunities that women have now days in order to live the life they want to live. You can have your cake and eat it too, so go get it girl!
Keeping Up With The Kardash Joneses
I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel the pressure from social media. Instagram is so fun! However, it is also a total mind fuck. (Sorry about the language.) Sometimes I feel like I should give myself a good slap in the face just to wake up and remember that not everything on the 'gram is what it seems. I realized that I was definitely comparing my body, my clothes, and my life to other people (strangers, at that!) on Instagram . #nothealthyBloggers and entrepreneurs usually post a picture or two along with multiple IG Stories EVERYDAY! This mama just couldn't hang, and it started to make me dislike posting. I lost my creative mojo because I felt forced to do it, not because I wanted to do it. That was one of the first signs for me that I need to waive the white flag, I surrender!
Pregnancy Planning
If you happened to catch my last post, you know that my husband and I are hoping to get pregnant again. The last pregnancy for me didn't go well and I am so nervous about trying again. I feel like I am inevitably going to be a giant stress case, and I would really like to not be. As part of my stress-less project I think it would help me immensely to have less work on my plate. I'm not sure how long it will take us to get pregnant so I'm trying to be as chill as possible until we succeed, followed by 9 more months of needing to chill out, followed by much needed rest. (lol)
Presence is a Present
I am always thinking about my past, and wondering about my future. What I would really like to think more about is what is happening right now. I know it will take a lifetime to conquer being present, but I'd like to start trying now. Blogging and social media go hand in hand and I've noticed many times that I'm so wrapped up in taking pictures or creating videos to post that I'm not even enjoying the moment. I want to stop feeling the need to overshare my life or ruin fun moments with my family just to create content. There were many times where I actually went to sleep feeling guilty because I should have taken videos of what I did that day to share with everyone. For real, I actually felt guilty! When I think about that, it sounds so absurd and actually makes me feel super ridiculous.The three year old brain holds more power than mine does. FACT! (maybe, lol) I know that Quinn is soaking up everything and watching every little move I make. This being said, I'm really trying to be more aware of what things I'm actually doing. I want her to value nature, adventure, art, and family time, so that is what I'm going to show her.
Breaking Up Is Hard To Do
I'm truly sad to leave this project because of Shawna. We created this together not knowing what it would become. We struggled when we had to learn what widgets, links, and sidebars were. We celebrated when we increased viewers or had our favorite brands respond. So many fun memories have been made over these past (almost) two years that I get choked up when I realize I'm leaving. I know it won't be the end of our friendship, it just means we won't see each other as frequently as we were able to and that really stinks. I am so proud of Shawna that she is keeping the momentum of PeaceLoveStyle going. She has been working her butt off while being pregnant and doing it with such class and dignity. I wish her and the blog many more successes to come. I can't wait to see where it is in a year from now, as I know she will be crushing it.
I want to thank you all for the endless support and all the love that you've shown to me. This was a huge decision I had to make, and it was not an easy one. I want to also reiterate that these are just my personal feelings. I love this blog and I'm so proud to have been a part of it. I think blogging and social media has transformed the way people communicate and can also make a living doing what they love.I am keeping my personal IG public, if you want to stop by and say hello or follow my journey, you know where to find me. I appreciate you ALL from the bottom of my heart.Sincerely,Katyxoxo