Preparing for Sleep Training
When we brought our babies home from the hospital life was so different. Brett took some time off from work to help us adjust, but after a few days, he got back into his normal routine. He was able to leave the house every day for work and for the most part, schedule things like he was used to doing. Me on the other hand had a much different experience. I was at home most days and everything was inconsistent. Depending on how the baby slept that night had everything to do with how rested I was and what we were able to do that day. Breastfeeding required me to nurse the baby every 2-3 hours, sometimes more depending on the day. Scheduling anything was very stressful on me because my schedule was 100% dependent on someone else. As much as I love the newborn stage and all the sweet moments that come with it, week after week of it started to get to me. I was craving structure so bad I could taste it. Mentally and physically, I needed to be able to gain control again and schedule my life the way I used to. This book "Twelve Hours' Sleep by Twelve Weeks Old" came into my life at the most perfect time because not only was I able to find some mental relief through sleep training, my babies were happier and much more rested because of it.The book promises twelve hours of sleep by twelve weeks old and I'm proof (well Brock is actually) that following her method works. It will take some hard work and commitment for all people involved (husbands, caregivers, etc) but when done correctly, you will hit your goals...which are:
- Babies who are the right weight and age sleep or rest quietly in their crib for 12 hours at night, one hour in the morning, and two hours in the afternoon. Specifically, for us, 11 hours at night, one hour in the morning, two to three hours in the afternoon and then another hour in the evening. The evening nap will be the first to go and we will be on the two-nap program also.
- Babies who are the right weight and age eat four times during the day with no night feedings. Each feeding time should last around 30 minutes.
Four Foundations of Baby Sleep Success
- A baby must adapt to the existing family; the existing family does not adapt to the baby.Obviously some change is necessary for the family, the new baby should not dictate the when, where, and how of normal family life. This was even more difficult for us to accept when we were first time parents, this time, not so much since we have another child. For example, doorbells can ring, older siblings can laugh out loud and the washing machine can run, all during nap-time. Otherwise, the existing family ends up living in a tense environment. Furthermore, you have then taught your baby to sleep only in a noise less, artificial environment.
- You must feel empowered as a parent.Practice saying to yourself "I am the parent, I am in charge." We often lose sight of this and it's so important to remember. Without parental empowerment, an inexperienced leader takes over... the baby! Children NEED an authoritative figure, even at this young age, who will set boundaries and limits.
- Sleeping is a learned skill that you need to teach your baby.I have been so impressed by what and how fast my babies can learn. Sleeping soundly is a basic, teachable skill. It's as necessary and important as learning how to talk, walk and other milestones in a baby's mental and physical development. We should be encouraging good sleep skills by giving your baby the opportunity to self-soothe and put themself to sleep without you or other aids. Rocking a twelve-week-old baby repeatedly in the glider until they fall asleep does nobody good. Yes, your baby can fall asleep but as a parent, you are constantly "fixing" it for them instead of guiding the babies to do it on their own. Does that make sense? I can't tell you how relieved my husband and I were once we stopped doing this with Brock. We spent the first two months of his life bouncing him in our arms on an exercise ball, sometimes for up to 45-minutes to get him to fall asleep. We weren't giving him any credit that he could do it on his own. Once we learned how to recognize his signs of fatigue, we were able to put him down in his crib and he quickly (with our guidance) learned how to put himself to sleep. Best. Thing. Ever.
- Sleep training requires commitment and hard work on the part of the parents.I have taken the lead on sleep training both of our babies. It takes effort and sacrifice. I stay home a lot (especially at the beginning) to get my babies on a routine sleep schedule. I like them to know that their rooms and their cribs are for naps. Of course, life happens and I can't be 100% every week, especially with having Brock and him needing to be picked up from school, etc. My best advice here is to stick to it as much as you can, if you have your husband step-in or a caregiver, make sure all instructions are written out or communicated to them very clearly. I remember when we first started with Stevie, my husband had let me sleep in one morning because I was up with the baby a lot that night. He also failed to wake up the baby at our given start time and let her sleep-in instead. Not waking the baby at your given start time throws your entire day off and it's hard to practice training when your time frames are off. Once you make your schedule, make sure everyone involved knows what's happening in case they must step in.
Six Benefits of Baby Sleep Success
- There is little crying involved. The author doesn't believe there is a lot of learning going on after five minutes of steady, continuous crying.
- You will have happier, more cooperative children. Babies who have a schedule, sleep through the night, and have good sleeping and eating habits are happy babies.
- You will be using proactive parenting. Your babies will benefit from your sleep as well.
- You will have a predictable schedule. You will have the luxury of knowing that for one hour in the morning and two hours int he afternoon is your own. Not to mention at night for a few hours once the baby is asleep. So huge for me!
- You will be able to deal with more than one child effectively.
- You can follow the plan on your own. The book is a guide. The true ability to sleep through the night is with the babies and the parents.
SLEEP TRAINING: Weeks 1-6
Not much “training” happens in the first four to six weeks. The most important thing you can do during this time is don’t create bad habits!Babies need to learn to soothe themselves. I can't emphasize how important this one is. As easy as it might be to "cheat" or do it just this one time, you will only be making it harder for yourself later on.
- Don’t use the swing to help them fall asleep
- Don’t use vibration mode to help them fall asleep
Pacifiers are great for self-soothing and should stay in the crib for nap-time and night sleep.Things she suggests to calm a newborn:-rocking in glider-on stomach position, patting back-pacifierObviously there are moments that require the swing or vibration but should be limited to "crisis mode". We were adamant about using devises sparingly and in case of an emergency only. And to be honest, the less you do it, the less your baby will need it.**Important: Since there isn't much training that can be done during these first six weeks, what you can do is start paying attention to your baby's patterns and document their events by creating a log. The two most important:-What time they ate?-How much they ate?
Below are my personal notes from reading and training my babies...
Feedings During the DayFeeding schedule should mirror the feeding schedule from the hospital.Babies SHOULD be eating every 2 ½ -3 hours during the day for the first 6 weeks.**Steady weight gain is important during these first few weeks.If your baby hasn’t reached its birth weight, you will need to wake your baby if they are sleeping past that 3-hour mark.No sleeping for long stretches during the day (5-6 hours) these long stretches should occur at night.Great way to wake your baby is by changing their diaper.**Do not get in the habit of feeding your baby more frequently than every 2 ½ hours during the first 6 weeks.If your baby is fussy prior to 2 ½ hours; try and help the baby not eat and get through the time without feeding early.**It’s important to let baby eat as much as they want, especially during the day. Let them eat until they are satisfied.A good rule of thumb; don’t get caught up on how much your baby eats at any one feeding; instead look at how much your baby eats during a 24-hr period.Feedings During the NightSame as day, you do not want to feed your baby more frequently than every 2 ½ hours.First 3-4 weeks, book advises you to wake your baby to eat at night.After 3-4 weeks, you can let you baby start to stretch the time naturally between night feedings.For part or all the first 6 weeks, your baby will be waking up to eat every 2 ½ - 3 hours.Develop a plan so that each parent can get a solid chunk of sleep time; 10pm – 3am / 3am-8am.**Keep wake times at night very simplekeep lights lowlittle to no engagementchange the diaper firstfeed the babyput them right back in their cribIf your baby is fussy between night meals; do a check for potential problemstoo hot? Check foreheadtoo cold? Check nose and handsspitting up? Try an inclined position (this worked for us with Brock)uncomfortable? Shift themdiaper ok?Sleeping During the DayBefore 6 weeks old, don’t worry about how much the baby sleeps or doesn’t sleep between feedings. This will not affect sleeping at night until training begins.
SLEEP TRAINING: Weeks 8-12
Welcome to the BBC (Baby Boot Camp)Important to follow the steps in the following order:Step 1: Feeding During the Day:Every 4 Hours / 4 X Day (for 12 hours)Step 2: Feeding During the Night:Gradually eliminate all night feedings (for 12 hours)Step 3: Sleeping During the Night:Sleeping or resting quietly in crib (for 12 hours)Step 4: Sleeping During the Day:Sleeping or resting quietly in crib for about one hour in the morning and about two hours in the afternoon**Although it is important to follow the steps in this order, there are oftentimes overlap between Steps 2 and 3**There are also 3 requirements before you an start her training:1. Weight: Baby must be at least nine pounds.2. Food: Baby easts at least 24 ounces of breast milk or formula in 24 hrs3. Age: Baby must be at least for weeks old / 8 weeks if a twin / 12 weeks if triplet
YOUR TOOLBOXESWhenever you have a problem, it's nice to have the right tools handy.Emotionally babies need some soothing from mom and dad to learn how to soothe themselves.There are several tings you can do to encourage your babies during this time.Daytime ToolboxWhen your baby is awake during the day but having a tough time making to the next feeding the key is to distract, distract, distract!Things we can do to encourage your babies during training:Offer Pacifier; first choice and usually buys extra 15 minutesBouncy Seat (with music or toys)Activity mat or gymBounce baby on knee, sign nursery rhymes*If your baby is falling asleep way before nap-time, use the daytime toolbox but DON’T offer pacifier! It’s just as bad to have your baby fall asleep too early as it is for them to stay awake too longNighttime ToolboxThis is important for step #2. When your baby is in the crib, reassure them that although you are not going to pick them up, you are right there. Stand next to the crib, or sit next to the crib so you are close to the baby. I kneel beside the crib and place my hand on her tummy.**Offer pacifier (very helpful at night)Pat or place your hand on baby’s tummyShush baby “shush…shush….shush”Whisper reassuring messages “everything is fin” “it’s all right” “mommy/daddy is here” etc.Switch position in crib; turn baby around, place baby on their side, etc. (to find most comfortable position)Use emotional toy, blanket or lovieTurn on crib musicThese soothing techniques work two ways
- Help baby calm down
- Help you stay focused and relaxed so you can continue to train
As you talk to your baby, you are talking to yourself, reassuring that “my baby is going to be ok”.It’s important to use good judgement with these tools…Daytime Toolboxes: It’s better to five in and feed baby a little early if baby is extremely frustratedNighttime Toolboxes: There may be times when you need to take your baby out of the crib to calm them if all your toolboxes have failed. This should be your last resort. If it becomes a “rule” training will take longer or fail all together.
There are a number of things that need to happen before the training actually begins so I wanted to dedicate an entire post about just that. I will get to the next 4 Steps ASAP, but until then, here is a link to the book if you want to follow along.Good luck with training you empowered parent!Xo, Shawna